by popular demand...
The Deckster Quiz II
(so you think you're still a Deckster ?)

This test rates your Deckster knowledge, and therefore, obviously, how good you are in bed.

Note: A perfect score is 300. No mortal has ever achieved this. Only a few Decksters have even gotten that far.
If somehow you manage to do it, make a video of yourself jumping up and down excitedly and be sure to include a picture of your monitor or cellphone screen to validate your score. Then post it to YouTube and wait for a call from Jay Leno or the FBI.

In the following quiz, select the answer that most closely matches your opinion and/or perception of reality.
If you have totally lost all sense of reality, don't worry, you're not alone. Take Yoda's advice and use the Force !

First test your general knowledge of Granite Peak (aka Rib Mountain):

1. Which of the following is NOT a ski run ?

Salmon Run

2. Which of the following is NOT a ski lift ?


3. Where are the "Back Bowls of Granite Peak" located ?

between the communications tower and the old quarry
in the kitchen storage area next to the styrofoam cups
in back of the Cave hidden under a rock with the rest of the paraphernalia
if I told you Matti would kill me

4. What are the steel cables surrounding the patio/deck really for ?

to hang skis
to block the wind
to keep snowboarders out

5. How does Tom start the fire ?

with a blowtorch
with a stick of dynamite
with a pile of trash
by turning on the gas jets

6. Why are the eggrolls so popular with Decksters ?

because they're from an ancient Chinese recipe
because they're free
because you don't have to leave your barstool
because they're a "healthy choice"

7. Who has the biggest smile ?


8. Who makes the best Bloody Mary's ?

whoever just made yours

Test your knowledge of Deckster customs, dialect, and ancient lore:

9. The latest Deckster banner features which of the following ?

a bierstein
Carmie's original Rib Mtn Ski Area logo
a tribute to higher education
all of the above

10. "Set it and forget it" means what ?

leaving the bar before finishing your drink
what a lift op says when leaving their post
the same thing as "steep and deep", more or less
official motto of the Granite Peak Ski Patrol

11. What is a "Deckster conference call" ?

when Sally passes her phone around
when Abby plans an expedition to the Back Bowls
when Matti starts texting
when Charles calls the Decksters for advice

12. What is an "ungrounded unit" ?

a bird
a snowboarder doing an aerial maneuver
an electrical hazard
a female hazard

13. What is the secret Deckster gang sign ?

middle finger extended
two fingers extended
three fingers and thumb extended
Mr Goodwrench

14. In the legendary "Sold !" story, what was purchased at Indianhead Mtn ?

the last trailside room on Bikini Weekend
the last bikini Gus wore on Bikini Weekend
the last pack of cigarettes sold at the Red Dawg Saloon
the last bottle of Jack left on Closing Day

15. How do you turn on the water at the Love Shack ?

read the instructions on the fridge
go down to the basement and turn a lever
call Anita
any or all of the above
none of the above

16. Does Curt (aka "Dirtman") still work at Indianhead ?

no, he was fired for insubordination long ago
no, not since Tomcat set fire to the condo
yes, since he gave up drinking
Curt who ?

17. Whatever happened to that infamous Winnebago full of bullet holes ?

it's on display at the Smithsonian next to the Space Shuttle
Microsoft billionaire Paul Allen bought it for $37 million to host private parties
it's undergoing repairs in the tool shed at Granite Peak
who cares ?

Now test your knowledge of various Decksters:

18. Who complains the most about the papparazzi ?


19. Who wants to spend his golden years "watching birds and eating oatmeal" ?

Not Eck
Kenny (since the accident)

20. What did Abby lose on a legendary trip to the Back Bowls ?

his cellphone
his ski pass
his favorite guitar pick
the keys to his truck

21. Which of the following musicians is a skier, too ?

Brad Emmanuel
Concertina Carl
None of the above

22. Why doesn't Eli wear a helmet ? ?

interferes with peripheral vision
interferes with satellite reception
reduces injuries in head-on collisions with snowboarders (theirs)
they don't make one big enough

23. Why did Jeff make the first Deckster video ?

because Vicky hired him to do it
because Tomcat talked him into doing it
because some bar was having a stupid contest
because Warren Miller is too old to do it

24. Why does Dean tele-ski instead of skiing normal ?

weak knees
weak mind
uncertain about sexual orientation
because it's cool, dude !

25. In a recent contest between a man and a deer, who won ?

the deer
Aspirus hospital
the insurance company

Final Question:

26. Final Jeopardy question: "Monkeys, maybe !"

who uses the terrain park in the West ?
who caused Stupid to derail again ?
who just stole my drink ?
who has more fun than Decksters ?

That's it! Now submit your responses and we'll see how you did . . .

To calculate your score and discover your true sexual potential,
press the button below.