This test rates your Deckster knowledge, and therefore, obviously, how good you are in bed. Note: A perfect score is 300. No mortal has ever achieved this. Only a few Decksters have even gotten that far. If somehow you manage to do it, make a video of yourself jumping up and down excitedly and be sure to include a picture of your monitor or cellphone screen to validate your score. Then post it to YouTube and wait for a call from Jay Leno or the FBI.
Note: A perfect score is 300. No mortal has ever achieved this. Only a few Decksters have even gotten that far. If somehow you manage to do it, make a video of yourself jumping up and down excitedly and be sure to include a picture of your monitor or cellphone screen to validate your score. Then post it to YouTube and wait for a call from Jay Leno or the FBI.
Instructions: In the following quiz, select the answer that most closely matches your opinion and/or perception of reality. If you have totally lost all sense of reality, don't worry, you're not alone. Take Yoda's advice and use the Force !
First test your general knowledge of Granite Peak (aka Rib Mountain):
1. Which of the following is NOT a ski run ? Stupid Werewolf Elkahol Salmon Run Idlechild
2. Which of the following is NOT a ski lift ? Sixpack Stupid Downer Exhibitionist Yo-Yo
3. Where are the "Back Bowls of Granite Peak" located ? between the communications tower and the old quarry in the kitchen storage area next to the styrofoam cups in back of the Cave hidden under a rock with the rest of the paraphernalia if I told you Matti would kill me
4. What are the steel cables surrounding the patio/deck really for ? entertainment to hang skis to block the wind to keep snowboarders out
5. How does Tom start the fire ? with a blowtorch with a stick of dynamite with a pile of trash by turning on the gas jets
6. Why are the eggrolls so popular with Decksters ? because they're from an ancient Chinese recipe because they're free because you don't have to leave your barstool because they're a "healthy choice"
7. Who has the biggest smile ? Kasey Katie Kelsey Mallory
8. Who makes the best Bloody Mary's ? Susie Ashley Katie whoever just made yours
Test your knowledge of Deckster customs, dialect, and ancient lore:
9. The latest Deckster banner features which of the following ? a bierstein Carmie's original Rib Mtn Ski Area logo a tribute to higher education all of the above
10. "Set it and forget it" means what ? leaving the bar before finishing your drink what a lift op says when leaving their post the same thing as "steep and deep", more or less official motto of the Granite Peak Ski Patrol
11. What is a "Deckster conference call" ? when Sally passes her phone around when Abby plans an expedition to the Back Bowls when Matti starts texting when Charles calls the Decksters for advice
12. What is an "ungrounded unit" ? a bird a snowboarder doing an aerial maneuver an electrical hazard a female hazard
13. What is the secret Deckster gang sign ? middle finger extended two fingers extended three fingers and thumb extended Mr Goodwrench
14. In the legendary "Sold !" story, what was purchased at Indianhead Mtn ? the last trailside room on Bikini Weekend the last bikini Gus wore on Bikini Weekend the last pack of cigarettes sold at the Red Dawg Saloon the last bottle of Jack left on Closing Day
15. How do you turn on the water at the Love Shack ? read the instructions on the fridge go down to the basement and turn a lever call Anita any or all of the above none of the above
16. Does Curt (aka "Dirtman") still work at Indianhead ? no, he was fired for insubordination long ago no, not since Tomcat set fire to the condo yes, since he gave up drinking Curt who ?
17. Whatever happened to that infamous Winnebago full of bullet holes ? it's on display at the Smithsonian next to the Space Shuttle Microsoft billionaire Paul Allen bought it for $37 million to host private parties it's undergoing repairs in the tool shed at Granite Peak who cares ?
Now test your knowledge of various Decksters:
18. Who complains the most about the papparazzi ? Matti Michelle Tomcat JD
19. Who wants to spend his golden years "watching birds and eating oatmeal" ? Tomcat Dean Not Eck Kenny (since the accident)
20. What did Abby lose on a legendary trip to the Back Bowls ? his cellphone his ski pass his favorite guitar pick the keys to his truck
21. Which of the following musicians is a skier, too ? Brad Emmanuel G-Man Concertina Carl None of the above
22. Why doesn't Eli wear a helmet ? ? interferes with peripheral vision interferes with satellite reception reduces injuries in head-on collisions with snowboarders (theirs) they don't make one big enough
23. Why did Jeff make the first Deckster video ? because Vicky hired him to do it because Tomcat talked him into doing it because some bar was having a stupid contest because Warren Miller is too old to do it
24. Why does Dean tele-ski instead of skiing normal ? weak knees weak mind uncertain about sexual orientation because it's cool, dude !
25. In a recent contest between a man and a deer, who won ? Kenny the deer Aspirus hospital the insurance company
Final Question:
26. Final Jeopardy question: "Monkeys, maybe !" who uses the terrain park in the West ? who caused Stupid to derail again ? who just stole my drink ? who has more fun than Decksters ?
To calculate your score and discover your true sexual potential, press the button below.