What type of skier are you ?
Forget about Advanced, Intermediate, or Beginner.
According to professional skiologists, there are 8 basic types of skier:
- Racers want to go straight down the mountain as fast as humanly possible
- They show up for race leagues, Badger State Games, and award ceremonies
- They wear helmets, Spyder gear, and medals if they got em
- They always wax their skis and sharpen their edges
- Bumpers like to make lots of quick turns
- They prefer moguls, trees, powder and crud to groomed runs
- They work harder at checking their speed (whoa !) than on going faster
- They often wear funny and/or stupid hats
- Groomers like to follow in the groomer's tracks
- They wear ski sweaters and fashionable shades, but rarely a hat (maybe a headband)
- They don't really care if it snows or not, as long as the sun is out
- You'll never spot one wearing a helmet, unless its got an awesome sound system !
- Tricksters head straight for the terrain park on their totally rad gangsta twin-tips
- They like to wear baggy pants, gaudy jackets, and hoodies
- They spend more time in the air than on the snow
- Sure, they're stupid, but hey, you were young once too !
- Patrollers always ski in tight formation
- They like to practice slow, complicated manueovers, over and over again
- They wear identical outfits
- If you get hurt they will come for you, so for godsake, be careful !
- Free-heelers use special "telly" gear that you can't buy around here
- They ski funny, and usually act funny, too
- They like to carve up groomers, slice through deep pow, or whatever, dude
- Sure, they're gay, but they can kick your sissy-ass butt !
- Rental-mentals show up at 8am and stand in line for an hour waiting to buy a lift ticket
- Then they wait in line for another hour waiting to rent equipment
- Then they spend an hour or two in the chalet getting dressed and making phone calls
- Then they stand around in the lift line waiting for their friend who got lost
- Then they take a run or two and start packing up so they can leave early and go home
- Handwarmers are friendly and gregarious and introduce themselves to strangers
- They like any kind of ski terrain, but prefer hard, flat surfaces made of oak, marble or brass
- They are always full of friendly advice
- If you buy a "handwarmer" for a Handwarmer, they may introduce you to the Decksters !